Doubting, The LJ and 26 Wonderful People

I will be the first to admit that I doubted. I doubted that God would come through with this one, with this one plea. I needed a fire to light in my soul for this color guard. I needed to be able to be close not just physically but mentally. I needed to put my heart into this group that has been there for me the past 3 years. This St. Louis weekend needed to be it.

I was able to. It happened my heart opened up. These 26 other people yanked open my heart. I couldn't be any more happy.

This past weekend we had our disagreements and the lack of sleep led to some words that should not have been said but in the end God came through. He always does. In the end my loving father is there to catch me when I fall. He is there to catch us 27 high schools through the up's and down's. 

Although if I must chalk up this weekend to one lesson, one main point. 

Love is everywhere. In all honesty when I came back from doing life with the Peru Cru for 3 weeks I thought I would never get close to anyone here at home again. I felt I was domed. But when I got a note that helped encourage me, when I was able to sit and be involved in a pre-show pow wow to strength all of us, when my presence was wanted, when I as a person was accepted, when kind words were shared, when all I wanted to do was give my parents a hug after performing, when we were able to be crazy as a group and when we were able to love each other by just being present I was shown that I can love again and be loved here. I belong. That means the world to me.

My list of struggles is still over flowing (whose isn't). I am by no means anywhere close to perfect. My walk with my father is crumbling at points. I sometimes forget, slip. I should be trying much harder. This weekend though, it needed to happen and it did. God came through and eventually I will get to a point where I will be able to say He will come through as I ask him. But like I said I am not perfect and doubt... I am working on it though.